how to know when to divorce

Should I Get Divorced?

Goldberg Jones Divorce Leave a Comment

Is my marriage over?

Deciding to divorce can be a heart-wrenching process.  Determining if divorce is the best path or if the marriage is salvageable is a difficult road to travel. Men contemplating dissolving their marriage often have more questions than answers. Struggling to do the right thing, they feel lost and overwhelmed as they navigate through the divorce decision.

Deciding to divorce should not be entered into quickly or lightly. Divorce is a major life change and will have far-reaching consequences emotionally and financially. As divorce attorneys, we are well acquainted with the personal challenges that accompany divorce and custody cases and we advise all our clients to carefully consider their options before filing.

While every situation is unique and every relationship has its own set of circumstances —considering the following topics can be helpful in determining if it is time to end the marriage.

Communication

Romantic, friendship or business, all relationships rely on communication.  When communication breaks down, bonds will quickly deteriorate. If you are deciding to divorce, chances are you have hit some potholes when it comes to communicating.

Communication issues are fraught with ambiguity making it difficult to identify the underlying issues. Couples struggling with communication often benefit from working with a marriage counselor.  A trained couples therapist can help you identify and overcome communication obstacles. Even if the marital problems can’t be resolved, learning to effectively communicate will make the divorce process easier.

Loss of Love

You feel like you have lost that loving feeling. The spark is gone and you feel more like roommates than husband and wife. It isn’t uncommon for couples to grow apart over the years. For some, a change of career can have them moving in the opposite direction. For others, once the children have grown they find there is little to talk about how the kids have moved out of the house.

If you have tried to rekindle the romance with no success, it might be time to move on.  Even couples that seemed perfectly matched and inseparable aren’t immune to growing apart. For couples that feel the fire has gone out, it can be difficult to decide if trying to rekindle the relationship is an option or if divorce is the right route.

Infidelity

Infidelity can be devastating to a marriage. For many men, overcoming their wife’s adultery is insurmountable. While reconciliation is possible after an affair, it is can be a long and difficult road to repairing the marriage. Infidelity can foster feelings of hurt, resentment and mistrust. Men that are faced with infidelity can benefit from working with a licensed therapist to manage the emotional upheaval caused by an affair.  A counselor will guide you through the decision to mend your marriage or if divorce is the right choice for you.

Fighting

High conflict marriages present a unique set of circumstances.  Constant fighting and disagreements will take their toll emotionally and physically. If your personal safety or the safety of your children is in jeopardy, it is essential that you protect yourself and your kids.

If you are unsure if the fighting and disagreements can be overcome, working with a professional trained in conflict resolution might be helpful. They will help you evaluate your situation, equip you with skills to manage high conflict situations, and help you determine if a long term solution for the conflict can be achieved.

If the fighting is insurmountable and no amicable resolution can be reached, speak with a family law attorney. An experienced divorce lawyer will work with you to create an exit strategy that will protect your rights, assets and minimize opportunities for conflict.

Finances

The financial implications of divorce can be significant. If you feel your marriage has reached the point of no return, take some time to evaluate the impact divorce will have on your finances. Having an accurate picture of your assets, debts, and expenses will help you decide the best course of action for dissolving your marriage. If money is tight, it might be best to postpone filing until you can accumulate savings to ease the transition to being single.

Divorce is complex and it is normal to struggle with the circumstances and changes that come with the decision. Divorce is a hard choice to make. Being informed and educated on the process, your rights, and the impact it will have on your life will help you choose the right path for you.

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