how to fight back against false abuse allegations

Defend Yourself Against False Allegations in Divorce

Goldberg JonesDivorce, Featured Posts Leave a Comment

When most people think about divorce, they imagine heated exchanges, arguments, and conflict. It’s a volatile time. Spouses often have more than their share of bitterness and anger, and mudslinging is common. Some claims are legitimate, others not so much.

False abuse allegations in divorce rank among the most nefarious of these. Unfortunately, these often have a negative impact on outcomes and settlements.

Can you defend yourself against false allegations? Enduring abuse of any kind comes with a high cost to those who deal with it. These are serious issues that must be treated as such.

But false abuse allegations in divorce happen all too frequently. Some people think it will give them an advantage in divorce, and too often they’re right.

Abuse Allegations and Restraining Orders In Divorce

In cases of abuse, restraining orders also called protection orders, offer safety and security. They’re relatively simple to obtain.

That makes them effective, but it also makes them easy to exploit.

In California, there are four kinds of restraining orders:

  • Domestic Violence Restraining Order
  • Elder or Dependent Adult Abuse Restraining Order
  • Civil Harassment Restraining Order
  • Workplace Violence Restraining Order

For these purposes, let’s focus on domestic violence restraining orders. According to state law, you can obtain one of these if you meet two criteria:

  • Someone has abused you.
  • You have a close relationship with that person (married or registered domestic partners, divorced, separated, dating or used to date, have a child together, or live together or used to live together — but more than roommates), or you are closely related (parent, child, brother, sister, grandmother, grandfather, in-law).

In actual cases of abuse, they provide a shield and a lifeline. But there’s also little evidence required for the court to issue a restraining order. The court often issues temporary orders without much more than one spouse claiming to need one.

Domestic abuse is a serious problem, and no judge wants to fail to protect someone or place a person in harm’s way. They often choose the side of caution. It’s easy to see how people can exploit this to further their own agendas.

Related Reading: 8 Things You Should Never Do In Divorce

Impact Of Abuse Allegations

False abuse allegations in divorce can have a substantial impact on your case, especially if they result in a restraining order. They influence many areas.

Child Custody

The courts generally recognize the importance of both parents remaining in a child’s life after divorce. Even noncustodial parents are usually granted regular visitation and contact. The exceptions to this rule, however, are cases of abuse or neglect. False abuse allegations in divorce often devastate your chances of obtaining custody or equal parenting time.


Abuse allegations also often carry financial consequences. Restraining orders can be used to drive you out of your home or away from children. Additionally, child support and spousal support can come into play. Not to mention legal fees that pile up trying to refute false claims.

Emotional Toll

Abuse allegations often leave a person feeling helpless, stunned, and in severe emotional distress. Even if they’re ultimately disproven, it may alter the way people look at you. Fighting accusations often proves exhausting and leads to depression and despair. This may also manifest itself in other areas of your life, like work and outside relationships.

Related Reading: Spying, Destruction of Property, and Restraining Orders: An Epic Divorce Saga

How To Fight Abuse Allegations

False abuse allegations in divorce leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed. Fighting them is harrowing and arduous, but there are options. If they’re not true, it’s important to refute them and limit the damage.

Hire a Lawyer

You may already have an attorney on your team by this point. Odds are, if it came to this, you probably knew things might get contentious eventually. But if not, strongly consider experienced representation. A lawyer can instruct you on how to defend yourself and do damage control.

Witnesses and Evidence

Like with most court cases, it’s important to collect witnesses and evidence to back your claims and support your narrative. The best way to prove your spouse is lying is to prove your spouse is lying.

Gather up anything that supports your cause, refutes your ex’s claims, or provides an alibi. This includes any relevant text messages, emails, voicemails, or other documentation. If you have witnesses willing to attest to your character, or better yet, who can counter your spouse’s specific claims, that supports your case.

Remain Calm

This is easier said than done, but it’s important to stay calm and collected during hearings. You’re probably full of emotions, but you don’t want to come across as unstable, irrationally angry, or capable of doing harm.

No matter what the other side claims, no matter how unfounded their accusations, respond as evenly as possible. Don’t interrupt, restrain any outbursts, don’t laugh or sneer or roll your eyes, and do what you must to leave a positive impression.

Demonstrate a Pattern of Behavior

If this is something your spouse threatened before, and you can prove it, that strengthens your position and weakens the other side’s case. Again, if you have texts, emails, or witnesses to back this up, it helps discredit false abuse allegations against you.

Restraining orders are designed to shield people in dire situations; to protect people who truly need protection. It’s unfortunate when people misuse them to gain an unfair advantage, or out of spite. But it does happen all too often.

As abuse allegations can have a negative impact on your case, and your life moving forward, it’s important to respond in a quick, decisive manner to counter any false claims.

Related Reading: How Does Adultery Affect Divorce In California?
Related Reading: Divorce Discovery Tools

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